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Drinking Was Hard On My Marriage So Was Recovery.

Research has shown that addiction is better understood as a disease than a choice. Let them know that you understand this is not their fault, and that you are here to help them get through it like any other health issue. Remember, recovery isn’t just about ceasing alcohol consumption—it’s about regaining trust, mending relationships, and reaffirming commitments. With resilience, support, and the right tools, marriages can not only survive alcoholism, they can emerge stronger from the experience.

Shaking After Drinking: A Quick Guide to Causes and Solutions

He didn’t have a job and was struggling to find one because the country where we live is a bit tricky for job-seeking male spouses. So while I taught local girls during the day, he stayed home and tried to figure out what to do with himself. Sarah Allen Benton, M.S., LMHC., LPC, is a licensed mental health counselor and author marriage after sobriety of Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic. Writing out how you feel is cathartic and helps you find the words to talk to your spouse. It may also serve to open the lines of communication damaged by months or years of anger and hurt. Being able to confront the hurt and anger does not mean your marriage is over.

Seek Individual Therapy

A great way to support them in their recovery is to be proactive and research fun sober activities that you can enjoy together. That way they will feel less like a burden and more like a partner in a loving, supportive relationship. The first thing you can do is keep an open mind and try to be understanding. People confronting their addiction are likely feeling a lot of guilt or shame already. As their partner, the last thing you want to do is add to that.

marriage after sobriety

How Do You Support Your Sober Partner in Recovery? 13 Real Strategies

Codependent behaviors that used to be the norm are disrupted as couples stop playing the roles of addict and enabler and have to find their way back to the roles of spouses. Finally, trust between couples may have been broken during addiction if a partner lied about substance abuse and the process to rebuild it may not always be smooth. With all the changes that come to relationships with sobriety, there can be feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, shame, and more. When asking whether marriage can survive sobriety, the answer can be yes—if a couple takes a healthy approach to managing their problems and discussing their feelings. It will take time to rebuild trust so it’s important to not put pressure on each other and instead take it one day at a time.

  • It just takes a little bit of effort on both your parts.
  • According to 2018 research, supportive relationships with family, spouses, and sponsors help those working toward sobriety sustain their recovery.
  • Understand that there will be ups and downs and that progress may be slow.
  • Sobriety means you’re as equipped as you can be to manage any outcome that comes your way.
  • The ONLY person who is responsible for drinking/drugging is the addict themselves.

Create a Supportive Plan

  • Check for support groups around your area that share the same values and goals.
  • The partner of a former addict can often benefit considerably from starting therapy.
  • I’d have to chug half a bottle of hard cider and chain smoke 2 or 3 cigarettes before I could feel like a person again.

He became both my support system and my target and we were utterly codependent as many alcoholics can be (me, not him). My husband had his own battles which are not mine to tell. I’d have to chug half a bottle of hard cider and chain smoke 2 or 3 cigarettes before I could feel like a person again.

How to Rebuild Marriage After Drug Addiction

Being patient will be key in getting your marriage back on track, whether you’re living with an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery or you are an alcoholic/drug addict in recovery. Instead, it’s best to treat the marriage as a new relationship. Get to know the “new” https://ecosoberhouse.com/ version of your spouse (or help your spouse become acquainted with the “new” you). Patiently work on rebuilding communication, trust, support, respect, and intimacy. Getting your marriage back on track after addiction is no easy feat, but it’s certainly possible.


Couples therapy can be hugely valuable to even the healthiest of relationships, so why not when you are going through addiction recovery together? One of the best things you can do to help your partner in recovery is finding ways to keep the foundation of your relationship strong. Therapy might just be what you need to help you do that. In conclusion, alcoholism can indeed cast a long, dark shadow on marriage, yet it doesn’t mark the end of the story. The road to alcohol recovery often involves multifaceted strategies, including professional therapy, counseling, support groups, and in some cases, medication.

The effects of a spouse’s alcohol misuse extend beyond the marital relationship. Exposure to a parent’s alcohol abuse can lead to a plethora of issues, including emotional trauma, neglect, and in some cases, abuse. These experiences may shape their attitudes towards relationships and alcohol, potentially perpetuating a cycle of alcohol misuse. Checking in regularly when supporting a partner toward sober living means constant communication, consistent assessment, and accountability.

How Matthew Perry filmed iconic Friends scene with help of his ‘sober technician’: ‘I married Monica and got d – Daily Mail

How Matthew Perry filmed iconic Friends scene with help of his ‘sober technician’: ‘I married Monica and got d.

Posted: Sat, 04 Nov 2023 07:00:00 GMT [source]

Is my partner actively seeking help and change?

There is also a greater understanding of a partner’s trigger situations, and couples know how to avoid them. Couples may also be taking the necessary steps to make sure their marriage stays healthy. That could include individual or couples counseling when necessary for relationship tune-ups, or checking in regularly with their support groups. Today, about 1 in every 8 children grow up in a home where a parent or caregiver abuses drugs or alcohol. Being around alcoholism can also affect how children function later in life. In the short term, children may develop indifferent or demanding behaviors.

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