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How to teach a child to make efforts

Success is not easy, and diligence and diligence do not arise themselves. We can instill them in children, experts say, if we ourselves believe that not everything in our lives is the result of luck.

We live in an era of instant results, short -lived achievements, random victories. Variety stars flash brightly and go out immediately, sports idols take off on the pedestal and leave it as rapidly, the participants of the television show become millionaires in one evening.

Success seems to be the result of luck and the ability to charm others, and not the fruit of labor, perseverance and patience. And we ourselves are increasingly behaving as if we are sitting in front of the TV: I don’t like something, it doesn’t work, we immediately switch to other classes, relationships, feelings ..

Our children easily adopt this style of behavior, because the basis of the children’s psyche is the principle of pleasure, immediate satisfaction of desires. How to convince them that to achieve a result is a time and concentrated work?

What are the efforts for?

Make efforts means to overcome resistance, external or internal, in order to cope with the difficulty that has arisen or achieve the intended goal. Когда ребенок старается и в результате достигает желаемого, он становится более самостоятельным и уверенным в себе, поскольку может гордиться собой: «Я смог, хотя это было совсем не просто!”

In such moments, his idea of time changes. An adult is able to plan, structure his time and anticipate what the result of his work will be. The child lives the present. When he makes efforts to achieve the result, he goes beyond the limits of the momentary perception of reality.

Gradually, he learns to anticipate the results of his efforts – “from this plasticine I get an excellent elephant” – and to look forward to the pleasure that they will bring him – “Mom will definitely like the elephant!”. And then the realization comes to the children that there is a future and what it will be dependent on them. So the result – joy and pride in the face of the mother at the sight of a plasticine elephant – is worth it to work hard, and this instills optimism and encourages creativity!

Why is it so difficult to instill in him hard work?

In order to teach a child to make efforts, adults also need efforts. But it is not easy for us to be consistent, especially if after a working day, automobile traffic jams and shopping, it will be necessary to ensure that the child put order in his room, finish the lessons, walked with the dog. After all, you have to demand, explain, persuade, cheer up ..

It is much easier to save time and effort and remove toys and clothes instead. Realizing perfectly that the world around us is not always welcoming, parents create a kind of protective cocoon around a daughter or son – sometimes too dense!

Protection and emotional support for the child are needed, but this cocoon should gradually be made more permeable to the world. One of the tasks of the parents is to explain to the child how this world is arranged: in order to get something, you need to make efforts.

How to motivate it?

Often we are trying to achieve “correct” behavior from the children, shaving them. But this method is ineffective. Pointing to the child only to his mistakes, we cause him a feeling of guilt. He begins to think that he is not able to do something truly well, and in the end he stops trying: why be zealous, if nothing can still work?

The effort is easier to attach if you see a clear target and an attractive “bonus” in the end. It is easier to learn to read when you really want to know how the story about the mummy is ended. There is an incentive to understand the notes to record your own ringtone on mobile. It will be possible to speak English faster if your name is to communicate in the English-speaking chat ..

Children like to overcome difficulties, at such moments they feel more adults and independent … But when we insist on regular classes, it is important to remember: the child is developing only when he does what he really likes. If he refuses to “work”, try to understand the causes of the strike: perhaps swimming or choral singing simply does not carry it away, and laziness and restlessness have nothing to do with it.

Is it always necessary to explain why efforts are important?

Explanations are necessary when we ask the child about something for the first time or he actively resists our requests: “Be sure to brush your teeth, otherwise they will get sick”. Children feel calmer if we are consistent in their requirements and they are clearly formulated.

That is why daily rituals are so important: collect a school portfolio in the evening, cover the bed in the morning … The child must understand what exactly and why he needs to do, otherwise he feels annoyance, impotence and protest. It is difficult to accept the reproach: “You never help around the house!” – if you were not asked about anything.

And if he does not cope?

Children also need negative experience – of course, provided that nothing threatens their life and health. For psychological growth and development, they need to accumulate the experience of overcoming their own failures. It is necessary to allow them to meet with the consequences of their actions or inaction – this helps to grow up. Making lessons for a child, out of fear that he will receive a bad assessment, we deprive him of the opportunity to find out the reaction of the world to his actions.

And you need to show him an example. Only young children try to behave as their parents say – they need to feel that they are loved, approve. At an older age, the child seeks to be like the one whom he appreciates and respects, so his behavior is affected by a personal example of mom and dad. “I myself do not like to clean potatoes, but you and I adore a casserole! So we should get a little longer: you clean, I-bake!”

How to help him fail?

Help me understand what exactly did not work out. With a small child, we perform a movement that he has not yet succeeded, for example, to climb the stairs. When he is growing up, we learn to analyze why his efforts were unsuccessful. Maybe the task was too difficult? Or it was necessary to act differently?

It is important to be patient and avoid generalizing criticism, for example: “Of course, you did not succeed, because you again …” Why should he try another time if he was already recorded in losers?

With a trusting relationship with his parents, he may be sure that in response to the story of his failures he will not hear: “So I knew!”,” I warned you “. The best consolation to the one who defeated is an appeal to his feelings, respect for his personality and unconditional acceptance.

Little effort will become big

The child’s attitude to the need to apply to something changes as he grows up, explains the psychotherapist Ekaterina Malishevskaya.

Early childhood: In some situations, the child willingly tries, makes efforts,

especially when he wants to imitate his parents. In other cases, he needs incentives: to put on a coat himself, repeat a difficult word, build something from the designer … He motivates the desire to please parents, earn their approval and get confirmation of their love. He really likes to demonstrate his independence, show what he already knows how to do: “I myself!”

Childhood: The child is growing up, he still wants to like his parents, but this group of important people for him already includes his friends, teacher, older children … He is ready to make efforts, but he still knows how to dispose of his time: he often needs to remind that he needs to remind thatIt’s time to do homework or take an evening shower.

Adolescence: The approval of peers becomes much more important to him what parents think and say. Nothing can be a way for him to delimit personal time and space. He should remind him of what important goals for him he can lose if he does not make efforts for their sake.

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